now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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