i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
