he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
