Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
