I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
