My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
