Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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