He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
