Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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