You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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