Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
