6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
how can u be prego again
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
