We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
