I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
