He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she told me i tasted like america
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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