i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
