Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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