I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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