Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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