I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
