Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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