Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
