is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
