I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
worst night to have a conscience
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
