i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She told me I should be a condom model.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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