Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
