I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
