If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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