i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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