I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
