glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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