I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
