Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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