try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
