I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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