And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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