The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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