Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
