apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
