WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
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