another moral hangover. fuck.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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