Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
