i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
