Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I deserve this hangover.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
