Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
