I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
