I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
