if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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