This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
