Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
it's great music for shaving your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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