i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
