you guys were way drunker than both of me
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
