mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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