This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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