You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
