I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
