Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
