Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
