ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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