i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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