Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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