you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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