i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
