i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
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well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
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You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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